173. Virtue: From the Latin word vir, meaning “man,” the Romans formed the word virtus
A devil of a time coming up with this one. A thing, a man, a woman? Influenced me the most? Yes I would say , perhaps , the most..or at least….for the most better.
So the Devil, it was. How can I speak of a mentor of evil, one would ask? Unless, of course, one assumes that I, too, am evil. Ah, assumptions. Like dumplings, they have picked up the flavour of what they have fallen into , not what they are. My devil is not evil, this fellow or fellowess, though I would not call it kind nor pitying though I might indeed call it: compassionate.
Well, how can my devil have compassion, you ask? My devil never straps explosive vests onto willing beliefs or burns out the blasphemies from the doubter nor grinds a holy gold out of aboriginal flesh nor covers living faces nor condemns children be to unspared by rods.
Sometimes a kindness is more in a gesture than a point. Someone once said that to really know the worth of men and their great institutions and decrees and edicts, first picture them all in a great stern of gold and sinister black garb sitting before the masses but…they are all sucking their thumbs.
So I don’t listen to them or the ridiculousness of their gods. Do you notice that they all have so many gods but only one Devil? Now this isn’t because the Devil is easy to define and god is not. No, indeed. Rather, it is because god can be defined and the Devil cannot be.
For if I define the Devil, I define myself. A godly man cannot define himself with the Devil, now can he? He hasn’t the will for it.
You see this is why I love the Deviless , though I do not worship her. Worshippers of the Devil are really only Christians with mirrors. The Devil is no leader…nor does he/she require followers.
The Deviler only gives one thing and he gives that without cost. Indeed, she is only giving us what we have to give to ourselves. Will.
You see god ( which doesn’t exist) has always said to me “ Find my Will, then follow it” . Everything thereafter that I ever read, said, thought, talked, debated, cried and prayed seemed to conclude with ‘My Will, that is, God’s Will is not your will.’ It is not that I wanted only to do my will for ‘evil’ but that I only wanted to do my will to follow God’s Will but that very following became a sin; became the definitions of evil. Will or Not Will , I found myself condemned. Not only must I willingly weave the rope to hang myself , I must tie it myself to the gallows. I must put it around my neck. I must kick out my own stool. The stool that I made with my own hands with the wood that I cut down in the forest. What was the crime for this willing death sentence? Killing trees.
I do not believe at all in god but I do believe in the power of god’s will. I see the tracks and carnage of it across every landscape of men and every face of a man or woman.
My Devil grins but she does not grin at that.
Thus, Sometimes it is enough in compassion to simply not speak, not condemn. That’s my ‘Devil may care’. That’s what has saved me.